# theonion/comcastifyjs

Sometimes images just load too damned fast.

Repository: https://github.com/theonion/comcastifyjs
Canonical: https://ross.abutalabs.com/products/comcastifyjs
Homepage: http://theonion.github.io/comcastifyjs/
Language: JavaScript
License: MIT
License Family: permissive
Archived: true
Last push: 2018-10-25T03:39:27+00:00

## Health v2 (maintenance only)
Score: 10/100 (v2, computed 2026-09-03T02:20:16.233290+00:00)
- activity 0, release rhythm 8, longevity 100
- inputs: {"age_days": 4376, "days_push": 2869, "days_rel": null, "gap_med": null, "n_releases_24m": 0}
- flags: archived
- formula: round(0.45*activity + 0.35*rhythm + 0.20*longevity); archived -> min(score, 10)

## Adoption (not part of the score)
Stars 1257, forks 46 (observed 2026-08-28T04:04:09.393215+00:00)

## What it is
ComcastifyJS is a satirical JavaScript library from The Onion that deliberately simulates slow, throttled image loading on web pages, mimicking the experience of a poor internet connection. It overlays images with a configurable box that progressively reveals them at a controlled, sluggish pace.

## Use cases
- simulate slow image loading on a webpage for a joke
- demonstrate what throttled internet feels like to users
- add a satirical net-neutrality gag to a site
- progressively reveal images with an animated loading effect
- prank coworkers by making their site images load painfully slowly

## When to choose
- you want a humorous, satirical slow-loading image effect on a page
- you need a demo or parody of slow internet connections
- you want a lightweight, configurable progressive image reveal gag

## When to avoid
- you need actual performance optimization or fast image loading
- you need a production-ready, actively maintained library
- you need real progressive JPEG handling or genuine network throttling tools

## Facets
- artifact type: library
- maturity: abandoned
- function: image-processing, animation, developer-tools
- domain: web-development, frontend, entertainment
- platform: browser
- tags: novelty, joke-library, satire, progressive-image-loading, the-onion, javascript, web

## Member repositories
- theonion/comcastifyjs (main) score 10

## Provenance
- Observed fields: from GitHub, fetched 2026-08-28T04:04:09.393215+00:00.
- Health v2: computed from the inputs above; adoption is never an input.
- Inferred fields (summary, facets, guidance): AI-extracted, prompt v1, taxonomy v1, on 2026-08-30T05:07:13.224441+00:00, confidence not recorded.
  - readme: https://github.com/theonion/comcastifyjs (fetched 2026-08-28T04:04:09.393215+00:00, sha 4b7844c05e98)
  - homepage: http://theonion.github.io/comcastifyjs/ (fetched 2026-08-29T12:17:30.767750+00:00, sha a5ad26838957)
- Data as of 2026-08-30T08:39:29.467469+00:00.